


At Least Out Loud

by rainy_fangirl



Series: songfics [9]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluffy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Gray is still a dick, I can't write happiness, Melancholy, Past Sexual Abuse, Slow Burn, Supposed to be fluffy, sad ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-02 07:49:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14540067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainy_fangirl/pseuds/rainy_fangirl
Summary: "I won't say I'm in love."Juvia tells herself that if she can avoid him, she can avoid getting hurt, but love doesn't work that way.





	At Least Out Loud

_ {If there's a prize for rotten judgement _

_ I guess I've already won that _

_ No man is worth the aggravation _

_ That's ancient history, been there, done that} _

 

Juvia hates the pining, the way her heart stutters at the sight of him. From the first time she saw him, Juv knew she was fucked, yet again. She tried to reassure herself that this time won’t be different: that Lyon will take what he wants from her and leave, just as his half brother had. Juvia tells herself that if she can avoid him, she can avoid getting hurt, but love doesn't work that way. And avoiding a certain cocky, silver-haired boy won’t help her, especially if he’s her boss and she’s his second best baker. Who did she think she was kidding, even after everything that had happened: their five years of seeing each other every day at 4:30 am, the way Gray had broken her in the way nobody else could, and the way Lyon had been looking at her, talking to her in way that made her cheeks flush pink. No, no, she would ignore him. It was better this way.

 

_ {Who'd' ya think you're kiddin' _

_ He's the Earth and heaven to you _

_ Try to keep it hidden _

_ Honey, we can see right through you _

_ Girl, ya can't conceal it _

_ We know how ya feel and _

_ Who you're thinking of} _

 

Juvia had tried waiting it out, starving herself of Lyon, freezing him out. She tried, ducking behind industrial fridges and ingredient closets. Hell, Juv had even taken extra shifts near the back of the shop, with rookies whose skills were still too messy to be watched by customers, even though both she and Lyon had always prefered the front. She hates the little things about Lyon that she’s somehow memorized, be it whatever was budding between them, or years worth of work and friendship. She knows how he takes his coffee (hazelnut with at least 5 mini-cups of cream, but he prefers Earl Grey), his favorite item they sell at the bakery (red velvet macarons, particularly Wendy’s). She knows the way he watches her, not lustful or wanting, but...like she lit him up from the inside out. Juvia knows the difference Fullbuster and Vastia. She knows what she feels for him as much as she tries to hide it. 

 

_ {No chance, no way _

_ I won't say it, no, no} _

 

Lyon sees the ways she avoids him, how she tenses when he comes near. He misses her, both as his (asshole) brother's girlfriend, and his own best friend. The Ameonna wouldn't be what it is with her, Lyon thinks to himself, absentmindedly piping the intricate edges of a wedding cake with vanilla icing. He remembers the weekend they decided to make baking a career, a rainy afternoon, with overdone coffee and his killer white chocolate brownies. These were the pre-Gray days, when his brother paid her no mind and the two of them could be in the same room without shoving their tongues down the other’s throats or crying. Lyon stayed quiet, he pretends not to notice the ways she can’t look at him, or the way she meticulously rolled up her sleeves to cover the bruises. He watches and he waits for her to talk to him, Lucy, anybody about it. They’re her friends, for god’s sake, they should know if she decides to move out of her and Gray’s duplex and into a tiny apartment only half a block from the bakery with a restraining order in hand. He watches and waits, leaving her cups of tea and snacks with scribbled post-it notes. Lyon, who keeps her spare key next to his own and will come into work hours early just so she doesn’t have to be alone. 

 

_ {You swoon, you sigh _

_ why deny it, uh-oh} _

 

He tells himself he doesn’t love her, that everything he’s done in the past three years hasn’t been to help her through. They’re best friends, have been since childhood, and he’s loved her since they were halfway through college and he’s so willing to give up their twenty five years of friendship for this. Liking a girl who doesn’t like you back. Juvia is Lyon’s universe and he is just a star. She has so many options, he was just a friend. Just her best friend, he has to remind himself. Juv loves him, but not in the way he loves her. She loves him but not in the way Lyon needs. In the way he’s needed since Meredy left him cold towards the end of their short-lived relationship. Lyon tries to forget, the way his fingers ran through her hair, when they were younger and Juvia would lay her head in his lap and babble on over whatever boy had caught her fancy. Lyon misses when just friends, best friends, was something they could both be okay with. These days, he stays out of her way.

 

_ {It's too cliche _

_ I won't say I'm in love _

_ I thought my heart had learned its lesson _

_ It feels so good when you start out _

_ My head is screaming get a grip, girl _

_ Unless you're dying to cry your heart out} _

 

Juvia decided that pining is a thousand times worse when he's your best friend and your ex's half brother. Things were so goddamn complicated between them, it made her head spin. Lyon had always been that guy she vowed to marry is she was forty and still alone. If she could only stop batting around the issue, if Juvia could just tell him, they could get the whole thing over with. Get the rejection over with, so she could mourn her losses and move on, like she had with Gray. Things had been so cut and dry then, they would’ve been easier had Lyon not been there, had she and Gray not orbit him in the ways family always does. If Juvia didn’t love Lyon, if he hadn’t been there for her when it felt like everyone had abandoned her along with Gray, things would be better. She could’ve cut him off, if they hadn’t been friends, not just a potential brother in law. Leaving Gray, leaving the past behind would be all but done if she could forget both boys.

 

_ {You keep on denying _

_ Who you are and how you're feeling _

_ Baby, we're not buying _

_ Hon, we saw ya hit the ceiling _

_ Face it like a grown-up _

_ When ya gonna own up _

_ That ya got, got, got it bad} _

 

“Just own up to it.” Gajeel asked from their kitchen, burning dinner in the process. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Juvia buried her head in her hands. “It doesn’t work that way.” She mumbled, exhausted by the whole affair. “Besides, everyone will only see me as the girl who wasn’t satisfied with one brother so she fucked both.”

“I wouldn’t say it’s dissatisfaction, more so the fact that he damn near hospitalized you and the doctors said your shoulder would never be the same again.” He muttered. “I know you haven’t dated anyone since Fullbuster, you’re waiting.

She hated it when Gajeel was right.

 

_ {Give up, give in _

_ Check the grin you're in love} _

 

One day, none of this disastrous, hellbound mess will matter. At least Lyon could reassure himself with that. He made himself take the afternoon off, hands too shaky to pipe icing or man the register without dropping anything. No amount of coffee will fix what he’s gotten himself into, so he doesn’t try, driving home slowly only to stare at the ceiling. Lyon hasn’t seen her in weeks, the quiet, gray days stretching out before them. It would be three months on Friday, since it all fell apart, since he first asked about what happened, why she’d called out of work for nearly a month, claiming to be ‘on vacation’. He’d heard about it from Gray, asking him to give her back some shirts because he legally couldn’t be within fifty feet from her. Lyon hated how he's ended everything, how he let Juvia drift off to sea without him, they were still friends, in the barest sense, they still needed each other. At least he had that.

 

_ {This scene won't play, _

_ I won't say I'm in love} _

 

Lucy rolled her eyes when he tells her, over the break table in the Ameonna’s back room. “Really Ly, just invite her over or something, turn it into a date. You’re suave, I’ve seen you with girls.” She smirked, sipping her now cold hot chocolate. He didn’t understand Lucy at all (who the hell lets hot chocolate get cold, or order it in May, for that matter?) but she gave good advice and made the best damn lemon cake Lyon’s ever had. “Besides, Juv’s the kind of girl who’ll get her heart broken, not break yours.” Lucy added, shrugging. “You’ve got to do something soon though, it sucks having you two avoid each other, it brings the whole staff down.”

 

“Thanks for the sympathy.” Lyon muttered, deciding to do something nonetheless. He got up slowly from the table. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

 

_ {You're doin' flips read our lips _

_ You're in love} _

 

Juvia’s breath caught in her throat when she hears his footsteps from behind her, the familiar and comforting scent of pine and buttercream following him. She was in the middle of her daily struggle to tie her apron, hands half tangled in her blue curls and along her nape. 

 

“Here.” Lyon mumbled, tying it quickly and sparing her fifteen minutes.

 

“Thanks.” Juvia sighed, pretending to dig around in her bag so she wouldn’t have to face him.

 

“Do you want to get dinner tonight?” He asked, rushed and nervous. “My place, tonight, we could order chinese.” Lyon added. “I still have HBO Go.”

 

She bit back her grin, trying not to get too excited. Juvia knew she should’ve said no, should’ve kept up her months carefully constructed walls. The change of heart hits her like a bullet, good decisions be damned. “I’d love to, it’s been too long. Seven thirty?”

 

_ {You're way off base _

_ I won't say it} _

 

Juvia primped more than she’d care to admit, carefully arranging her curls and applying her favorite pink lipstick. She was casual: skinny jeans and a crop top, but put effort into the little things she knew Lyon would notice. Hardly visible mascara, the lightest blush she could manage, and a hint of perfume, Juvia would make this a date, whether Lyon liked it or not, she was sick of waiting. Her sandals clicked on the sidewalk, Juvia’s nerves rising with every step. “Now or nothing.” She muttered to herself, pushing Lyon’s doorbell decisively. 

 

_ {She won't say it, no!} _

 

Lyon pressed himself against Ameonna’s industrial sized refrigerator, trying to convince himself he isn’t dreaming. He hadn’t expected her to miss him in the same way he had but the words ‘it’s been too long’ echo in his head, filling him with a childish hope he hadn’t felt in a while. Lyon forced himself down, makes his heart stop beating wildly in his chest. His stomach did flips for the rest of the workday, nerves tugging him every which way. When she rang his bell, waves of serene calm rushed over him, stilling his shaking hands. Lyon told himself things can’t go wrong, it’s Juvia, his Juvia, who he’s known since before he could talk. He wasn’t afraid of her, Lyon would let Juvia break his heart a thousand times over if she wanted. He took a deep breath, all they could do now was hope.

 

_ {Get off my case _

_ I won't say it} _

 

Loving him felt like coming home, it’s not grand or romantic, but that was okay with Juvia, her legs tangled with Lyon’s under an afghan, catching up on Game of Thrones with a takeout container full of beef lo mein. They were steady, despite all the uncertainty. “So.” She paused, unsure how to word what she was feeling. “We’ve been friends for a while now, but I’m not sure if I like that.”

 

He paused. “What do you mean by that?” Lyon’s hands stilled, his heart doing the opposite. 

 

“I want to date you.”

  
  


_ {Girl, don't be proud _

_ It's O.K. you're in love} _

 

Lyon still wasn’t used to it, the whole “dating” thing. He had taken his time, it’s seven months later, when she stayed over most nights and had a drawer of essentials in his dresser. She was there then, petite form pressed up against him under the covers. He was cautious, not sure if now was the time. “Hey Juv?”

“Mm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She mumbled back, leaning back as he pressed a kiss to the back of her neck.

 

_ {At least out loud, _

_ I won't say I'm in love} _

  
  



End file.
